As a side note, the garage sale did very well. Thank you Lord! I prayed that the time and effort that went into setting up, cleaning out, and pricing would be well worth it. I was blessed with over $300 in sales, so I was thrilled. Again, praise the Lord!
This weekend held some fun activities as well. Friday night we had tickets to the Indians game from my prior employer. It was the only chance the kids had to go to the game this year. While I did spend 3-4 innings at Kidsland, a fun time was had by all.
Saturday, we had a picnic with a family from our church and it was really nice to get to know some other young families a little better and hang out with close friends as well. My two older sons got to ride a real 4-wheeler and that has been a topic of conversation for the two days since. My oldest has even been on the internet pricing them out for future purchase. (WAY future purchase if you ask me :) )
Sunday was a church service in the middle of town, and once again we had beautiful weather. The rest of the day was spent working around the house cleaning up after the garage sale. It's amazing how quickly things can get piled up again after being run through like a tornado for 3 days.
So onto today... the third full day of school. I'm sorry to say, once again, I ended up in tears. Luckily they didn't flow until after most of the kids had gone to bed and weren't all sparked from homeschooling. I'm one of those folks though that once the tears start falling, anything worth crying about is game, even the dog that died when I was a child. So of course, schooling got lumped in.
Right now, I feel like I did when the twins were just born. The first month I was completely overwhelmed and people kept trying to encourage me by saying "it gets better after the first year". All I could think at the time was 50 more weeks of this!!! I don't know what my kids will do if I cry every night for the next few months. I don't think I could handle it either.
The fact of the matter is that I'm currently feeling very lost. I came from a job that I was very good at and often received compliments on the outcome of my work. Now I'm doing stuff that I have no idea about, that I'm not very good at, and things that have little to no direction -- which results in I have no idea if I'm doing a good job or even improving.
On top of that two other pieces of information crossed my path, one that I took personally and probably shouldn't have and the other that requires more faith and trust in God.... faith that was so hard to come by when quitting my job that requiring more at this point seems insurmountable.
As lost as I feel, usually when the tears finally stop (somewhat from the relentless efforts of my husband to make me break a smile... thanks babe!), I come out with a clearer head. These are the times, I wish God would just give us a glimpse of what's ahead and say "It's going to be okay". I didn't get an "okay" from God, just a "My plans for you are to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future".... I guess what else could I ask for.
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