Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Do you ever feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?   Meaning your personality quickly switches from one place to another?   For me, it does sometimes.   And there's nothing more sure to make my personality switch than a trip to the grocery store toting five children along with me through the aisles.   Such an occurrence happened last week.   Within a matter of 15 minutes, I went from being completely "normal" to an impatient yelling mess.   I don't know what happens or why on some days it seems that I can "handle" the minor inconveniences of children, but there are those times where it just sends me into overload.  

Have you ever taken those personality tests?   I guess I'm specifically referring to the Myers Briggs test -- the one that determines if you are an extrovert or an introvert?   When they state extrovert or introvert, they're not relating to whether or not you like to hang out with people, but where you gather your strength... by being with other people or in solitude.   Years ago, pre-children, I tested as an extrovert.   I loved being around people and would jump at the chance to get together with friends because that's where I would find my energy and strength to recharge.   About 2 years ago, I took the test again at work and it determined that everything was the same except for this one area.   I tested as an introvert.  I found it interesting because I think, now that I am constantly surrounded by people, albeit miniature ones,  I prize and treasure my time alone.  

I think that's the only way I can explain why I all of sudden get frustrated with the little things.   Usually my best resolve is to just spend some time alone!  I'm sharing this because I hope in some way you can relate -- specifically that I'm not the only crazy one out here :)   I guess I found that my other resolve is, no matter how short I think the trip in the store will be, I need to use the in-store child care!!! 

Funny note about this though.... I couldn't remember whether Dr. Jekyll was the nice guy or Mr. Hyde.   So I searched for it on the web prior to writing this post.   When I read this explanation I actually rethought my use of this analogy:   "The novella's impact is such that it has become a part of the language, with the very phrase "Jekyll and Hyde" coming to mean a person who is vastly different in moral character from one situation to the next.^{"   (Wikipedia)}  Made me laugh... surely I'm not referring to being "vastly different in moral character".   Well at least not in the way they refer... I guess I hope you know what I mean.

So onto other things....   the past week or two has been a difficult one.   Our family has never quite been in such financial straits that it really takes some adjusting to.   I have been all over the map in this one in terms of where I believe God has placed us and what His plan is for us.   I'm pretty sure I've sinned more than a few times too in not trusting God and questioning His character or at least how He's not living up to my expectations of Him.   But it's amazing how God is SO faithful through it all.   Our pastor spoke a message on Sunday that related EXACTLY to that point.   I have had expectations and a hope that God would be a certain way when we were in need and provide for us how I wanted Him to.   I've been sorely disappointed that God has not done it my way.   He really spoke to me through that message and used my husband later that day to speak words of wisdom to me as well.   I had a moment of surrender since then.    Then God showed today that He will take care of us, once again, in our current situation.   God has provided many hours of extra work over the next 4 weeks.   Words cannot express my thankfulness and relief. 

Sometimes I can be so short sighted.   I get so wrapped up in the momentary situation that I lose my focus on Him as my source.   I tend to doubt Him and get angry.   And yet... still... He is there.  

I'm starting to realize what Paul was feeling after being a Christian for many years.   You'd think after being a Christian for so long you would "be better" or "be further along"... but all I realize is what a wretched man I am (Rom 7:24).  

I write this post humbly today.   I hope that in my weakness, you will find encouragement as we all seek to find strength in Jesus, our true hope.   And as we try to be more and more like Him, we will continue to fall short.   But I find hope and cheer in this... He disciplines those He loves (Pro 3:12).

Love you all... hope you are having a fantastic week!