Writing In Prose

Ah, what a week.   It's been a doozy.   My husband worked this week about an hour and 15 minutes from our home installing a kitchen.   To save on gas money, he spent two nights at my aunts house.   Which, of course, left me for 3 days with the kids all to myself.   By Thursday, I was at the end of my rope.   On top of which, my husband thought was going to be a short day in which he didn't get home until 11 PM.   I think the expectation of him being home earlier on top of three days of fighting, complaining, crying, whining, etc just got to me.  

Sometimes, I tend to hide out in my hard times, not wanting to "bother" anyone.   Hence the reason I am able to write about this now.   I feel better today and now that we're on Christmas break, I hope the next few weeks will go better than usual.  

I been overcome by feelings of failure lately.   Like I am doing irreparable damage to my kids in my emotional roller coaster, lack of self discipline and lack of consistency.   I also feel so alone.... like every other mother out there has got it together.

So my husband and I ended up having a "spirited" conversation yesterday about everything that's been going on.   Neither one of us has a true gift of motivational speaking so it takes some working through to pick out the nuggets of good information that are put forth.   But he did have some nuggets.   One of the main ones was to start thinking in prose.   And I thought, well I already do that considering prose is the ordinary form of spoken or written language.   Then I realized, he wants me to think in pros.   Verses cons, of course. 

I've been very stuck on the negative lately.   No money for Christmas, my husband is working all the time, the kids are fighting, the kids are asking me a hundred, no a thousand questions, school isn't going like I expected, etc.   I forget to look at all the good things I have.   God has met our bills since I quit, I have been able to spend quality time with each of my children, I can play and read and chill with them, my house is cleaner (sometimes), I'm doing what God called me to do.   I've been living like the Israelites in the desert wanting to go back to slavery in Egypt, blaming Moses for all the pain and suffering.   When I focus on the negative I get irritable and just all around down.   It makes this mothering process a burden instead of the joy God intended it to be.  

I want to live in faith that we are continuing to do what God has for us.   I want to be blessed by my children and not burdened.   I want to enjoy the time while they are little, cause it won't be here forever.  

So a special thanks to my husband for putting up with this wall of "stuff" I lay out there and for getting through to my heart and giving me a better perspective.   You truly are a gift from God to me and I love ya tons.  

To any other mother out there that feels at the end of her rope... you're not alone.   I cried three separate times on Thursday.   I made dinner, served it to my kids and locked myself in my room.   I love them SO MUCH and I didn't even want to eat dinner with them, just so I could have a few minutes of quiet to myself.   I think I'm safe in saying, we've all been there and this too shall pass.  

Psalm 127:3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.