In the Moment

One of my boys is a totally in the moment kind of guy.   It actually drives me crazy sometimes because he can be totally okay and as soon as something doesn't go his way, he's off and pouting.   He usually doesn't like to talk about it either, so half the time you're wondering what's wrong.   One time we went to a small amusement park that has fun stuff to do like laser tag, go carts, mini golf, inflatables, video games, etc.   When we were leaving, we asked the kids if they had fun.... his answer "eh".   I was so mad that day.   It was mainly the fact that we were leaving and the 'fun' was over.     

It's funny though because I've been feeling that same way lately.   God has blessed our family with SO much and the first sign of an average or mediocre day and I'm like "why is life like this".   Today, and yesterday actually, I've been having a 'blah' day.   I'm not finding any joy in homeschooling and missing somethings about the business world, like the satisfaction of a job well done.    Oh, it's not like this all the time.   Some days I'm totally loving everything and it's completely awesome.  What's so crazy though is how quickly my attitude and thoughts can turn.  

We often remind my son that life's not a party.   It's not always going to be fun and sometimes it's just plain hard.    Today I need that message.   So I'm preaching to myself.    Just because things aren't all peachy doesn't mean God isn't in them.   Oh Lord, help me to realize the amazing gifts you have blessed us with and be thankful for them everyday.    Even in the midst of the blahs help me find joy!

So in other news, I'm not crazy about my daughters kindergarten teacher.   The teacher my boys had was so awesome.   So awesome in fact that you don't realize how good she was until she's not there anymore.   My daughter had some homework this week that I just thought was crazy.   I'm not sure if the teacher really expects them to be able to complete it, or if she really expects the parents to help as much as I had to without telling us.  Will definitely have to bring it up at conferences.    AND... my daughter is writing letters as part of her homework and has NO idea the proper way to write them.    If it's part of her homework, I would have assumed they practiced it or went over it in class??   Just makes me miss the other teacher.    The silver lining is that if my daughter stays in public schools next year, she will have the opportunity to have that teacher since she moved to teaching 1st grade.   We'll see.  

I so want a vacation right now.   I really love to travel and am getting the itch.   It looks pretty bleak for taking a vacation anytime soon; unless we do it with tax return money, which only means something else won't get bought or paid.   Ah, choices, choices.  

Guess that's all for now.  

A Whole New World

I am so excited to be typing this right now on my new Netbook that my husband got me for my birthday.   Well, new to me.   It's actually rebuilt, but I'm not complaining.   So I started to think about how things have gone over the last 3 months since I left my full time job to stay home with the kids.   Things really are different!

Firstly, I've read more books in the past 3 months than I think I've read in the 18 or so years since high school.   I would say that I wasn't much of a reader, but the truth is I probably never had or made the time.   Now that I sit a lot and watch the kids outside, or have all the housework done during the day which leaves evenings more free, or wait for kids at appointments, etc, I have a lot more time to read.    I'm totally guesstimating, but I think I've read over 10 novels recently.   Jude Deveraux is one of my favorite writers, although I've really come to love the Little House on the Prairie books recently too. 

Another thing that's changed is I've been losing weight without even trying.   I've lost 10 lbs since quitting which is just under a pound a week.   I think it's because I hardly ever sit anymore.   And I can actually say that I've missed meals because I've been so busy...  that NEVER happened to me before.   I would usually sit at work and force myself to hold off on snacking until the next meal or appointed time.  

Among other changes, the other thing I started doing was BAKING!   Seriously never considered myself a cook/chef/baker or any other name for someone who prepares food.   I've been baking birthday cakes for everyone in the family instead of buying them and making homemade chocolate chip cookies like ALL the time.   I even got a bunch of recipe books from the library.  

It's so weird to be living this "alternate" life.   I've gotten to see other moms that stay with their kids, take my kids to story hour, relax and watch movies or read books just for me!, visit the zoo during the week, visit the beach and build sand castles with my kids.   It's so amazing.

I just feel so blessed.   I guess it just goes to prove that so much of who you are can be buried beneath layers and layers of outside responsibilities.  Maybe that's not the best way to explain it.  It's just, I never got to do this stuff because I just never had the time working and raising a family.   I just thank God for this time and opportunity to explore new talents and gifts that have been hidden away for such a long time.  

Too long

Its been much too long since I've written here.   I've thought many many times about jotting down some thoughts or a little event and just never made it to the computer to actually do it.   So needless to say, things have been busy.

Homeschooling is in full swing.   This week is our 7th week of schooling.  It has been an up and down roller coaster for sure.   I can truly appreciate comments I've heard from other moms about trying to be a mom and teacher at the same time.   Wearing both hats is truly challenging.  I often say to my boys, "you would never whine like that or say that to a teacher in school".   There are also days  that I have to remind them a few times that "Playing with younger siblings" is not currently a subject we are studying during school time.  

It took us some time to fall into a routine and to be honest, our homeschooling is nothing like I envisioned it to be back in the summer... nothing.   The boys really enjoy working independently so they can crank out their work and get it done.   I pictured us sitting around the table studying each subject together and working through the curriculum.   There are some things we have to do together, but too often it doesn't happen and that task gets pushed to the next day.   But for now, it seems to be working and the boys are learning stuff.   Sigh of relief :)

The financial side of us doing this journey has had it's roller coaster ride over the past month as well.   My husband went back to work full time for the month of September, just to have his hours cut again in October.   A new twist to the situation though is that his company transferred ownership to one of the other co-workers (now boss) that was at the company.   Unfortunately for the owner, business has been SO slow.  Luckily for us, God has continued to put construction work in the path of my husband in order to make ends meet.   So much so, that we are contemplating, just naming the business and running with it.   We will be prayerfully considering that option over the next few weeks.   Not that anything would change really.... it would just be more formal.   My husband would continue to work at the computer shop part time and do this on the side (Is it really the side, if you do it more than your *real job*??)  Anywho, in the meantime of praying about it, my husband has been looking for other work.  

The main thing we are lacking right now is Health Insurance.   Go figure, we haven't had any major things come up in the past few years that weren't planned ahead of time and just in the month of September we had two ER visits.   Two of my boys on separate occasions cut their heads open enough to require a hospital visit.   My oldest son had 4 staples put in his head and one of the twins had his head glued.   How crazy is that!   So regardless of what happens with a job or business, that is one thing that needs to be seriously considered.  

I guess that's all I'll ramble on about today.   There are other stories to tell, but I'll save that for tomorrow.

Wide Awake

For some odd reason, it is 4 AM, I have already been up for nearly 2 hours, and I am wide awake.   It started with the boys coming in our room because they were afraid to sleep on our floor.   Then one was thirsty.   Then we had to convince our 8 year old that he was old enough to stay in his bed.   And on and on....    Then I just continued to lay there, not being able to sleep.   Finally, I decided, if I'm going to be awake, I mind as well do something useful with my time.  So if you're reading this and for some reason you were awake during this time and needed prayer.... I was praying for you.  

While I was awake, however, I did think of some people that might specifically need prayer.   A friend of ours recently gave birth to a baby.   I was talking to her today about how he was sleeping etc.   Our conversations reminded me back to when the twins were born.   That first week was unbelievable.    I remember waking nearly every hour and a half to feed one or the other of them.   I was so tiredly trying to keep track of who I was feeding and what time.   But at 3 in the morning, I can vouch that your handwriting is not nearly as clear as you hope it would be and sometimes I would mix up babies and times and it would all be a mess.   I remember sitting in the rocking chair right next to our bed, holding a baby in my arms, feeding him, resting my head wearily against the back of the chair and close my eyes, just for a few extra seconds of sleep.   So I pray tonight for all the exhausted moms of newborn babies that are just grasping every ounce of sleep they can.  

I also thought of a friend who recently lost her husband and is battling some feelings of depression.   I pray for those who are lonely in bed tonight, that God would just bring comfort, peace and friends who can lift their spirits. 

My one son struggles a lot with fear.   Oddly enough I beginning to think this is a trait passed down hereditarily (if that's even a word) and not necessary by environment.   Regardless, I too, struggle with fear all the time.   I reminded him that God is everywhere and is the best protector.   He also is our father, and we are his children, so just like he feels comfort sleeping on mommy and daddy's floor, we can find peace and comfort in the presence of our holy Father.   I also reminded him that the word of God promises that his angels will watch over us and guard us.    So I pray for anyone else out there tonight who is feeling afraid and needs the peace of God to calm their souls.  

I was hoping by typing this post that I too would be able to find rest.   So for now, I sign off until the beautiful sun shines on this glorious day.  May God's blessings, peace, and rest be on all who read this post. 

Ciao!

Finally, a day without tears...

Well, today was the first full school day at home without any tears shed.   You can't believe how good that makes me feel!   Last week, one of the days I made the boys an assignment sheet with things they could do themselves.   That seemed to work better.   Today I just enhanced it.   I made the assignment sheet and then listed the times of what else we would be accomplishing together.   They pretty much had the whole day laid out for them and I think they liked knowing what to expect.   Also I did one of our lessons with the laptop hooked up to the projector... they loved that.   It reminded them of the Smart Boards they had at school.   My oldest asked if we could do ALL of our grammar that way.   I said I would use it when it "fit" what we were learning.   This direction requires a lot more up front planning, which is usually not my style, but it seems to be working.   Unfortunately, it ends up keeping me up late, cause it ends up being the last thing I do before I go to bed.

On other news... my daughter is getting her first school pictures done tomorrow.   My sister and her family had come up for a visit in early August and my twelve year old niece put a string wrap in my daughters hair.    It looked very cute and stayed well for over a month.   About 2 weeks ago, I cut the knot at the top to get it to loosen and hopefully fall out.  well... it never did.   So here we are the day before school pictures and I figured I needed to cut it out.   My daughter and I talked about it today and she seemed fine with it.   However, I didn't want to get to the morning and have a big drama event about it, so I just cut it out while she slept.   Hmm.... we'll see how that fairs in the morning.

My kids did not win anything at the county fair this year.   That was really a bummer.   My son entered a lego model that took a lot of time and $$ to put together.   We thought it was really good, but unfortunately someone else won.   Last year, we had two ribbons, one for first and one for third to my second son and daughter.   But no such luck this year.

Well, looking forward to another good day of school tomorrow.   Please.....

Calgon, take me away

I started a post about day 2 of homeschooling and never finished it. So I will recap that day here and then continue onto today's events. Day 2 was almost as bad as day 1. Again it ended up in tears (mine, not the kids) and left me feeling completely overwhelmed. The end of last week I held a garage sale and therefore, Wed- Fri of schooling was pretty light.

As a side note, the garage sale did very well. Thank you Lord! I prayed that the time and effort that went into setting up, cleaning out, and pricing would be well worth it. I was blessed with over $300 in sales, so I was thrilled. Again, praise the Lord!

This weekend held some fun activities as well. Friday night we had tickets to the Indians game from my prior employer. It was the only chance the kids had to go to the game this year. While I did spend 3-4 innings at Kidsland, a fun time was had by all.

Saturday, we had a picnic with a family from our church and it was really nice to get to know some other young families a little better and hang out with close friends as well. My two older sons got to ride a real 4-wheeler and that has been a topic of conversation for the two days since. My oldest has even been on the internet pricing them out for future purchase. (WAY future purchase if you ask me :) )

Sunday was a church service in the middle of town, and once again we had beautiful weather. The rest of the day was spent working around the house cleaning up after the garage sale. It's amazing how quickly things can get piled up again after being run through like a tornado for 3 days.

So onto today... the third full day of school. I'm sorry to say, once again, I ended up in tears. Luckily they didn't flow until after most of the kids had gone to bed and weren't all sparked from homeschooling. I'm one of those folks though that once the tears start falling, anything worth crying about is game, even the dog that died when I was a child. So of course, schooling got lumped in.

Right now, I feel like I did when the twins were just born. The first month I was completely overwhelmed and people kept trying to encourage me by saying "it gets better after the first year". All I could think at the time was 50 more weeks of this!!! I don't know what my kids will do if I cry every night for the next few months. I don't think I could handle it either.

The fact of the matter is that I'm currently feeling very lost. I came from a job that I was very good at and often received compliments on the outcome of my work. Now I'm doing stuff that I have no idea about, that I'm not very good at, and things that have little to no direction -- which results in I have no idea if I'm doing a good job or even improving.

On top of that two other pieces of information crossed my path, one that I took personally and probably shouldn't have and the other that requires more faith and trust in God.... faith that was so hard to come by when quitting my job that requiring more at this point seems insurmountable.

As lost as I feel, usually when the tears finally stop (somewhat from the relentless efforts of my husband to make me break a smile... thanks babe!), I come out with a clearer head. These are the times, I wish God would just give us a glimpse of what's ahead and say "It's going to be okay". I didn't get an "okay" from God, just a "My plans for you are to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future".... I guess what else could I ask for.

Oy vey, I say!

Well I surely wouldn't classify today as a good day. However, I don't really think school was to blame. We got rolling this morning just a tad late and breakfast and chores took a little longer than I expected. We started school before 9 though so we didn't do too bad. I thought I would start the day doing read-alouds because I thought the twins could sit with us and feel included. That lasted all of about 10 minutes. I want the kids to learn how to sit though, so I did pester them a for a little while to sit down and be quiet and listen. When it started to interrupt the flow of what we were doing, I just gave up on them and let them play. Even then, I had to ask them to be quiet numerous times because even playing with their toys, we got the loud "vrooms" and "rawrs" from their play. About 1/2 hour in to reading, my oldest son said to me, "Mom, when are we going to start school?" I said, "this is it kiddo!" He said, "are we going to read for an hour every day?" LOL! Considering we are using Sonlight curriculum, I said "you betcha!" He was so looking forward to the worksheets, etc.

So even once we got into the worksheets, dealing with the twins was hard. I even tried to engage them with coloring sheets, reading books etc. All in all though, school time still went well.

Then this afternoon, I don't know what snapped. I think I was a little out of sorts because I didn't get to do any cleaning this morning, so the kitchen was a little bit of a disaster. Plus it was such a beautiful day and I knew the kids needed to get outside to play. We headed outside and I sat on the swing, book in hand, reading while they played. After an hour of reading, the wonderful breeze, perfect temperature, I was so sleepy! I just wanted a nap. I thought we'd come in and watch a movie and I could rest on the couch. I don't know if it was cause I was tired, or if it was the house being messy, or realizing I had to run to Sams Club to pick up dog food or what, but the kids just started hitting every last nerve. Oh I do have to add what some of my day entailed...

My youngest son, one of the twins, spilled water on the counter early this morning. At lunch he spilled mandarin orange juice on the floor and chair. He wet his pants in the bathroom all over the floor. Then on our way to Sams Club, he spilled Sprite from McDonalds in the back seat. Seriously, it is time to bring out the sippy cups again???

And that's just one of the 5 kids.

Last Friday was the first time in the month or so that I actually thought about going back to work. It also was during my Aunt Flo's monthly visit, and so, I attributed the bad attitude to that. However, Aunt Flo has left and today, the thought was there again. Am I in over my head? Maybe Christian School isn't all that bad? I had a good cry and hopefully got rid of all the negativity.

I do admit though that I have never felt so incompetent in my life. I am usually pretty good at things and very confident. I don't know if the Lord is working on my humility or what, but I'm feeling it! I'm trusting the verse that says He will not put me in a situation that is above what I can handle. I am reminded of a Facebook status that one of my friends posted. It said something about being thankful for all the spills, cries, screams, fights, etc that come from kids, cause otherwise, I could be like some who are crying tears of not being able to bear children. And on that note, I thank God tremendously for the blessing of my five children. I just hope we can all make it emotionally unscathed :-)